And So Finally The Wedding Bells Are Ringing

He proposed to me after a month of being together.  Call me stupid but I said yes. That's how much I love him.

I am a woman with commitment issues, yes. I am somebody who doesn't believe in marriages. For me marriage is for security, convenience and so people won't judge you when you raise kids and live in one house with a man. Now I finally understand what it is. I finally felt it and I finally want it.

Love. I finally found it.

Sex. I finally found the guy who satisfies me all the time, and someone, like me, who understands how important it is in a relationship.  Believe it or not, we do 5-8 rounds in one day, everyday for almost 3 months now.

I am scared. Scared of karma. I have run away from countless marriage proposals from ex boyfriends, and I have cheated and broken their hearts really bad. In fact, I have never tried being the one left behind, I am never the one cheated on or dumped or pushed away. Never. And now I can't help this scary feeling I'm feeling right now. What if he'll hurt me? What if he changes his mind? What if he cheats? What if he leaves me?

I hope everyday that everything I did won't slap me back in the face. Right now, there's nothing I can do about it but hope..... and love him like there is no tomorrow.

You and Me Against the World

So it's been more than a month since my last post. All I can say is, there's a lot going on in my life even for just a month and a couple of weeks or so.

Here's the scenario:

* The coach has been living in with someone for 4 years.  I knew about this after a month in our relationship.
* He broke up with her finally
* My family does not like him
* His family does not like me coz my own mother told one family member of his that he shouldn't be with a girl like me coz I'm a slut and I sleep around a lot and that one day I'll just leave him and plus, why would a single guy like him wants to be with a girl with a kid that would give him double responsibilities one day?
* I fought for him
* My family disowned me
* He fought for me
* His family disowned him

Sucks huh?
And so you would probably think that we're really happy together and it's just both of us against the world... but it's not. We fight like crazy, we do make up sex like there's no tomorrow and on and on it goes.

Sometimes I think it's not healthy anymore. I really wanna get rid of him but I can't. I do not know if this is love or just pure insanity. I just hope I'll know what to do after i sleep on it.

 

Scary Feeling

Coach had to leave to train players for a couple of days.  I can't deny how much I missed him that time.  Then when he got back, we practically see each other everyday.  It's great to be with him all the time but it is really scary... he might just disappear all of a sudden.

We had dinner once and he told me that having a lifetime with me would be great.  He even told me that he wants to be with me everyday.  I feel like squealing every time he says those kinds of stuff but I know it's too early to actually feel something. Sometimes I believe him and sometimes I don't.

A week later, he told me that he's falling for me and that it's ok if I don't feel the same way.  I just kept quiet and didn't say anything.

Magic

Coach and I met the next day.  We had dinner in this awesome pizza place, good thing we both love to eat.  I was so excited to see him and I guess he was excited to see me too coz when we saw each other, we just kissed... it was the "I miss you much!" kind. I realized we never did care who was watching us, and to think both of us were never fans of displaying affection in public.

So we ate and we talked and we just can't stop gazing at each other's eyes. I got scared all of a sudden and thought what if this person suddenly disappears? Then I shouldn't get used to this. So again, I told him about me being with him is nothing serious. I'm just enjoying the moment coz I enjoy being with him yada yada yada.. then he just held my face, looked me in the eye and told me not to stop him from loving me. I was speechless at that very moment and to think I never ran out of something to say.

And so we drove around later that night until he asked me if he can bring me somewhere private. Naturally, I said yes.

The sex was wonderful. It was magical. And he does not stop. I wasn't complaining but it was something I haven't felt in a very long time. I wanted more, he wanted to do it many times every single day. Everything was just perfect; I couldn't say anything bad about it.

He came inside my mouth and I swallowed. Even his cum is yummy. I swallowed once before and I gaged and spit it out.  Not this time though. I couldn't get enough of him.

We showered afterwards, we did it again in the shower and again after shower and again while I was trying to fix my face and put make up on. If only his friends aren't bugging him with calls and texts, we would have probably stayed there the whole night. Too bad we had to go and meet up with his friends... it was Friday night after all.

And so later that night I hang out with a bunch of racers who doesn't have anything else to talk about except cars and how much money they spent on this and that. He held my hand the whole time and kissed me from time to time.  His friends told me though that it was his first time after all these years of bringing a girl in one of their meet ups. I was flattered of course but it doesn't mean I believed it.

He just kept on saying how happy he was and that he will make sure that I get out of my current relationship. He wants to steal me this time.

And so the night has to end of course and he took me home, we parked somewhere for awhile and we made out for God knows how long until we finally had to say goodbye for the night.

When I got home, The Boyfriend was so mad, it was 4 in the morning after all. We had a huge fight and I finally had the courage to lay down every single thing about him that I hate so much. And I told him all the reasons why I fell out of love. I didn't even care if he was going to hit me or kill me at that time; I just had to say it. But he never knew I was seeing somebody, he doesn't need to know that.

We broke up that night.

Coach Heaven

Days after that horrific incident with my trainer, I met this sexy basketball coach.  He took me to this secluded place with the best burger in town.  He is the kind that opens the doors for you, tells you to be careful while he sees gaps in the street because I am wearing 6 inch heels.  He speaks very well, he has this very sexy deep voice, great athletic body, brown skin and drives a racing car.

So we talked, and we never ran out of things to talk about. After the dinner, he drove me around and wanted to go inside a bar with me. But I can't be seen in public with anyone so I suggested that we should just park somewhere and talk more. So we did and I never felt any flirting going on whatsoever. I thought he didn't like me even though he told me that I'm beautiful. So he took me home a couple of hours after with a kiss on the cheek before I left the car.

And so that was the first date I've ever had with a guy that didn't really try to get laid with me, or do anything sexual, not even flirting. So I wondered, was I not attractive enough for him? This does not mean though that I would just jump into sex on first dates, I'm just used to men being men every time I go out with one.

The next day, I was doing my business when I received a call from him. He told me that he has basketball training in the afternoon and asked me if i want to come and jog with him instead of going to the gym that day.  I decided to play a little bit hard to get coz he was playing that game the night before so I told him I'll meet him after my workout.

I went to the gym, I saw my trainer, he talked to me, stalked me around, telling me his undying love for me blah blah blah you get the picture. I am of course trying to ignore him or I'll end up punching him in the face.

After work out, I went to the basketball gym where The Coach was doing 200 shoots. When I got there, he was in 180th already. He told me to sit down, wait for a little while, offered me a drink and went back shooting hoops.  He was indeed nervous. I can see it, I can feel it this time and every time he tries to shoot the ball, he just can't shoot it.  He shook his head, went back to where I was seated and told me that since I arrived, he can't shoot anymore. I giggled and offered to leave but he told me to stay because he has to get used to me watching him. Those were his exact words and continued shooting balls again.

When I was watching him, I can't help but wonder, can he get any sexier than this?  His muscles look so yummy, his sweat glistening making him look darker and incredibly irresistible.

And finally when he was done, he took a quick shower, changed, hydrating himself and went back to me.  We talked again and decided to go to the mall with me.  So we ate, joked around like friends but this time, he's moving even closer to me now.  After we ate, we went to browse some car parts, kitchenware for his new house. That's when he started holding my hands, and moments later putting his arms around me, flirting, telling me sweet stuff. We probably looked like a newly wed couple buying plates.

We went around the mall, this time, holding hands, out in public, and for the first time ever, I didn't care. I was happy at that particular moment that I didn't want to think of anything else. It just felt so right with him.  Then we went back to his car and he kissed me. The kiss was amazing. It went on for hours. It's magical. It's wonderful. It's perfect.

He knew about The Boyfriend and my situation, it was one of the topics the night before.  He told me he'll wait for me no matter what it takes.  I can see and feel that he meant it. I told him that I can't make any promises whatsoever and that if I ever go out of the current relationship with The Boyfriend, I can't promise to give him what he wants, I can't give him commitment and I can't give him love. I would think more than twice this time around.  He said he didn't care and asked me not to disappear. I told him that I'll be around.

As I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about him.  As I slept, I dreamed of him. As I woke up, I thought of him and every time I do, I can feel my stomach turning.  It was an amazing feeling.. a feeling I haven't felt in a very long long time.

Personal Sexing

Weeks have passed since I had sex with The Aviator.  Meaning, I'm getting hornier and hornier each day again.  I'm not actually the type that approaches guys, or give them signals whatsoever. In other words, I am lame when it comes to making the first move.  Maybe because I am always used to being approached first, I am hot after all haha.

Anyway, I've been feeling off lately. So I decided to have a healthy lifestyle and enrolled in a gym. And so I did. And I was assigned to this particular trainer which I'm gonna call Mr Fit.  So Mr Fit is obviously very fit, great body, nice abs but extremely 'fugly'.  Mr Fit is however very charismatic. Like extremely well in talking people into things. An example would be always reaching his quota and he has the most number of clients.

So we were always talking for more than a week and the guy was starting to grow on me. The only thing stopping me is he is really fugly and short. Not shorter than me though but the same height as me and I am the kind of girl who wears 5 inches heels almost all the time.

And so because I really cannot live without sex, which I also think I'm a nymphomaniac, I went with the guy in a motel. We had sex, I enjoyed his body, he went down on me which was actually good but nothing exceptional and so is the sex. There was a round 2 though which never happens with The Boyfriend for the past 2 years and a half already.

We went to eat chicken afterwards and everybody was just looking at us... I bet they're thinking what the hell does a girl wearing a cute dress, 4 inch heels, great makeup, fabulous hair, and is sexy doing with a guy who is wearing an ill faded shirt, an ugly 'capri', and flipflops who is short and fugly?

Believe me I don't usually care about these things but he wasn't even trying to act classy at all in the restaurant. He was sitting on his right leg while sitting on the chair at the same time. You get the picture.  Everything that happened after the motel turned me off. And to think he looks really good wearing his training uniform and acts really well inside the gym. Why can’t he bring ‘that’ outside?

Now, he keeps on calling me and texting me. He also keeps on telling me how much he loves me and that he haven't met a girl like me ever. Like duh! He is really starting to get creepy. All I wanted was sex and not the extras that come with it. I just hope he stops. I have no plans of sleeping with him ever.

Landing Strip

I first cheated on my boyfriend about a month ago with a Pilot. This was of course after a very big fight which happened on my birthday. The asshole just ruined my day. So I came to the point of moving out of the house with the kid of course but he begged me to stay, asking for another chance. I have told him how I feel, that I do not love him anymore and I am not happy. It's his problem living with that fact every single day of his life if he really wants me to stay.  So I stayed, not because I pity him, but because of my kid, whom he loves so much and I think it would be unfair to take the kid away from him although we can always separate in amicable terms, seeing the kid everyday would be so much different than seeing him 3x a week or so... and I still want to try, yes.

But it's the same thing, still no sex, no romance, nothing.  As if nothing happened at all. So here I am still trying, but getting lonelier and lonelier everyday until I had this meeting with a client and a friend of his came over dinner to join us. Let's call him 'The Aviator'.

So The Aviator is not exactly young... he's in his mid forties (around 20 plus years older than me), but he's sexy, handsome and well dressed. So we talked for hours and hours until we ended up in his hotel room. But of course, we had to be inconspicuous with his friend around so he gave me the key and went there first. And I waited.

As I sate there waiting for the door to open, believe me for saying that there's a lot of things going inside my mind. I thought of just leaving the room and go back to my miserable love life but I stayed and waited more until it finally opened.

He was a gentleman, that's all I can say. I was very nervous and he can see that. He asked me why and I told him the truth, that I haven't had sex for 2 months or so.  And so he told me "Tonight, it's gonna be all you, ok?".  I didn't exactly know what he meant.  Then we had sex and he was doing all the work. He's the one pleasing me instead of doing it to each other and he whispered to me "you deserve it".  He made me come... which reminds me that I haven't actually come while having sex for the longest time. I couldn't even remember the last time I came. He taught me new things, well you know what they say about older men.

And so we cuddled, kissed and talked and that's when he told me that he is married and that he has a family and I told him that I have one too.

He's fond of photography so he took pictures of my ass (without the face of course!), according to him it's really beautiful (oohh! what a compliment!). He also told me how beautiful I am and how much he would have wanted to see me again the next time he lands in this country. So I said yes.

We only spent 4 hours in bed since I had to go home, I can't spend the night coz The Boyfriend will be freaking out for sure. I haven't been out all night long ever since we're together.

I supposed i should feel guilty about it but I didn't. I actually felt better, I felt good. I kept thinking, when will I have hot steamy sex again? I wanted more, too bad The Aviator is leaving in the morning.

And oh, of course not all sex is perfect right? So just in case you're wondering if there's anything bad about it, well there is one thing... He was wearing red briefs! Hahahaha it turned me off for awhile there but he was such a great kisser that i forgot about it.

Love Me or Hate Me

I am not gonna tell you my name coz obviously this is my secret blog. And whoever ends up reading this, sit back, relax and enjoy.

I don't know exactly where to start. But let's cut the chase and start from my never ending search for love.

5 Years ago when I was young and stupid, I've had my share of bad and great boyfriends. Poor and rich, handsome and ugly, big and small; you name it.  I love sex but there's only a couple who made me have an orgasm...ever.

So I got pregnant with this guy and lived with him. Our love story isn't actually what you call the perfect fairytale but he is an ideal man... well at least for a few months.

To cut the long story short, I am tired of him and have fallen out of love. I don't even know if I ever did love him. I don't know... Love is a very strong word that until now, I still haven't actually understood it.

The sex is bad, and we hardly ever do it. And if we ever do it, it's really boring and it's the same thing over and over again. And believe me, we've only been together for 3 years. The 'boyfriend' is actually not romantic at all. He does not take me on dates, movies and doesn't even do any romantic gestures. No romantic words, nothing.  He is also, very lazy, an asshole and an ultimate procrastinator. In other words, he has no direction in life and doesn't even try to make things better. But then, he think he does so there's no point arguing about it.

So here's the thing, since i was a little girl, I always think that there's somebody out there that's meant for each one of us, someone to grow old with and in finding them, it's all a matter of choices and decisions. I haven't found the love of my life, that I know for sure.

So this blog will tell you everything.. and I mean everything (even the juicy parts) of my quest for the right guy. Let me tell you this ahead: this blog will tell you every bad thing i do. Cheat, lie, manipulate, flirt, you name it.  So love me or hate me, i do not care.